GET OUT! Pioneer Statues Forced Out of St. George, UT
"It's nothing we're not used to..." a statue told the media as he packed up his wagon. "We've had orders telling us to move out in the past. I just never thought it'd be from here."
An order came down this morning from the state capitol demanding that the "Dixie-loving" pioneer statues in Southern Utah had 24 hours to vacate St. George or face "extermination."
A long wagon train formed headed south on I-15 consisting of statues from Washington City, St. George, Ivins, and Santa Clara with protestors filling up the sides of the freeway shouting at them.
"I don't move like I used to," joked a statue, "so we got to packing as soon as the order came down."
He's not the only one who had a good attitude about the ruling.
"Death, taxes, and Mormons getting 86'ed," laughed another one of the statues. "We came to the desert because we thought we'd be left alone, turns out somebody invented refrigerated air sometime after the Buchanan administration and now there's a horde of people here that don't like us 'Dixie people.'"
The leaders of the train plan to take the group to the "California territory," saying it might be the most accepting and free place left in the states.
As far as plans for replacing the honorary spaces in St. George, ideas have ranged from a statue of the Swig lady and maybe some liberal arts professor from the University.
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