Utah’s Hiking Uniform Is Getting Out Of Control

Visit any Southern Utah trailhead and you’ll witness a phenomenon scientists still can’t explain: the Utah Hiking Fashion Show. Forget Paris. Forget Milan.

First up: Tevas. These are not just sandals, they’re a badge of honor. Each scuff says, “Yes, I’ve been to Angel’s Landing, and I only cried three times.” Next, the Hydroflask—clipped to the backpack with a carabiner the size of a tow hook. Because apparently, carrying it by hand is for the weak. These bottles aren’t just for hydration, they’re statement pieces. Limited-edition stickers? Even better. It’s like a passport, but for national parks.

Then comes the wide-brim hat, an accessory so oversized it could double as a small patio umbrella. It’s not just sun protection—it’s Instagram protection. Angle it right, and suddenly you’re not sweating through your shirt, you’re starring in your own REI catalog shoot.

And the outfits? Oh, they’re coordinated. Earth tones, muted greens, and the occasional splash of “look at me” neon. Bonus points for the matching toddler in mini Tevas, because nothing says “family adventure” like a three-year-old screaming in Zion.

But here’s the thing: what happened to the granola moms of yesteryear? The ones with fanny packs full of raisins and a can of OFF! clipped to their belt loop? They’ve been replaced by influencer moms with GoPros strapped to their chest and perfectly staged snack breaks.

So next time you lace up your boots—or slide into your Tevas—just know you’re not hiking. You’re modeling. And the desert, my friend, is your runway.