“AWFUL MOTHERS!” New Halloween Tradition Taking Over Southern Utah

October is a special month in Southern Utah because of the thousands of elderly people who fly in to power walk, play pickleball, bowl probably, cycle, compete in martial arts et cetera.

And they come here because of a great man named Jon M. Huntsman who had a vision of seniors galloping around a softball diamond without pulling their hammies. And he made St. George Utah the "Field of Dreams" of the West for those born before 1970 or so. And these people come from a generation that has a spirit of competition and grit. And a history of letting their children go out trick-or-treating with a pillowcase until well after the street lights came on.

These people are the children of the "Greatest Generation," but they themselves are said to be the greatest generation in one specific category: Halloween.

And on Halloween night they told their children, "Don't get arrested."

And: "I don't want you out with that Belnap kid."

And the children galloped up and down suburban streets and they had pillowcases and masks and the teenagers carried eggs and when they finally came home their parents had already moved on from The Tonight Show to night-night.

And the kids poured all of their candy on the living room floor and some would sort it by kind, and others by color or shape. And they would barter with one another as if they were on the floor of the Board of Trade or a Turkish Bazaar. And they would eat and eat and eat. And in the morning the dad would wake up and grab a Snickers and call it "income tax."

But today, Southern Utah moms are doing something called "The Switch Witch."

And they steal their kids candy and give them a toy or a fruit. And they think it will help with diabetus, or maybe hyperactivity. And the kids are like "fine." And they say "fine" because kids get dopamine other ways now and it's not all about getting a gang of kids together and canvassing a neighborhood with pillowcases and no parents. It's not even close to about that.