Rural Utah's Liquor Store Closures And Their Community Impact

Groucho Marx: "Quitting drinking is one of the easiest things to do. I've done it a thousand times!"

Studio audience: Heads thrown back laughing so hard you can see their molars.

Groucho's producers behind the curtain: pounding checks from DeSoto auto, a subsidiary of Chrysler.

Groucho's director: giving him the signal to waggle his cigar harder. He puts his fingers up to his own mouth and scissors them back and forth hoping his star will look at him.

Groucho is clearly in the bag for the taping.

Back in time, all the stars were drunk. They'd start drinking before their morning prayers, they'd drink through breakfast, they'd get to the Warner Bros. lot and drink there and then they'd go to a Weinstein party after work and drink some more.

Nowadays, people don't drink as much. They do keto and plunge into ice baths.

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That's why Hollywood is so lame now and the movies have no magic. Nobody's an alcoholic anymore. And if you do have a problem it's like being found out as a Republican. You'll never get another Marvel movie.

Just like Hollywood, in Utah it can be hard to get a drink.

Why are Rural Liquor Stores are Closing in Utah?

A bunch of rural liquor stores are closing in Utah because of new rules being put in place by the Department of Alcoholic Beverage Services.

Basically, in urban areas like Salt Lake, liquor stores are operated by the state (like Stalin used to do).

But out in the boonies, mom and pops operate them. And now, the state is saying that these mom and pop stores have to pay the credit card fees of their stores which is about $24k per year.

And the mom and pops are shutting down their stores.

Sad day for these poor people.