SARVER: “It was the R.O.C.” (satire)

(PHOENIX, AZ)-- Robert Sarver, defamed owner of the Phoenix Suns, made it clear during his fact-finding deposition on Thursday morning that the media got it all wrong.

Sarver was accused of using racial epithets and making sexist comments towards co-workers and others in his organization, but he says it was actually the R.O.C. (BYU's student section) who said all that stuff.

"I couldn't believe my ears," Sarver told the committee. "I was just walking down the hall of my office and all of a sudden the R.O.C. yells something super inappropriate at my secretary."

The committee was shocked by the new information.

"I immediately texted a contact I have at CNN," said a committee member after the deposition. "We all should have known."

Not all committee members were so easily persuaded. Sarver was pressed by Patty Nelson who asked why 20,000 BYU students were in his office break room on a Tuesday morning and if anybody else had heard what they said to his secretary.

"You don't believe sexism exists?" a member of the committee responded.

"You're blaming the victim," somebody else shouted, as Nelson was escorted out of the hearing.

Sarver was equally offended by Nelson's comment.

"What an enabler," Sarver said. "You can never count on a broad to keep a level head in a situation like this."

The R.O.C. has been suspended from attending any games in the state of Arizona going forward or being in any office break rooms.

And at the time of printing...more bad news for the R.O.C. is coming. Papa John's former president John Schnatter to CNN, "R.O.C. hacked my Skype in 2018!"

***Satirical Article***