WACKO…Are You Voting For This Guy St. George, UT??

"Parents don't know how to keep their kids under control at restaurants. It's not just Cracker Barrel," said City Council candidate Conrad Barlow.

THIS IS A SATIRICAL ARTICLE!

Barlow's "out-of-the-box" approach is appealing to many senior citizens in St. George who have been showing up in droves to his speeches.

"When I was a kid, we never got to go to restaurants!" shouted Barlow at a campaign event outside the Dixie Center. "We ate at home!"

While kid's are protesting Barlow's speeches, Barlow is clearly striking a cord with locals who are tired of eating out at restaurants and having a bunch bratty kids making a bunch of racket.

"I worked by butt off all my life so that I could enjoy eating out at restaurants during my twilight years," said Jody Armstrong. "But in any restaurant you go to in town there's just a bunch of wiener kids acting a fool."

THIS IS A SATIRICAL ARTICLE!

Barlow has gained nine points in the polls since he started his "no kids at restaurants" messaging.

A new report released by the city validates Barlow's concerns about juvenile misbehavior at local eateries. According to the report, 27% of children at St. George restaurants watch a movie or play a game, WITH THE VOLUME ON!, while a whopping 31% of child patrons "crawl on top of the table to go after their dad's Dr. Pepper" at some point during the meal.

Barlow is urging voters to "take [their] city back" from these little punk*** kids who "need a kick in the pants, and a night at home."

This report is satirical everything is fake. Thanks for reading!